The Well-Mannered Child

 One common complaint among older generations is that children do not have good manners anymore, so I thought I would look at what this actually means, and think of some ways to teach good manners. In my family, good manners meant respecting your elders, having good table manners, and always being a nice person (specifically in a public setting). Right now, my wife and I are trying to teach our 2- year old how to behave at the table and have good table manners, so I thought it appropriate to look at some common ways to teach good behavior.

1. Act the Part

As with most parenting issues, what you do as a parent usually is reflected in how your children behave. If you are a loud and crude regularly, chances are your child will be. So recognizing your own behavior so that your child can emulate appropriate behavior is very important. Do you want your child to learn table manners? You need to have good table manners first!

2. Tell your children what you want

Having good manners is a learned behavior, not something that comes to a child innately. Children like to know what is expected of them and what is appropriate and inappropriate. If you want your child to say, “Excuse me,” after burping, you have to teach them this behavior before they burp or immediately after, so they know what you want. Children having to guess what a parent wants leads to confused, ill-mannered children who don’t know how to fix their behavior.

3. Watch out how you correct

One important issue is how do you correct behavior, specifically in a public place? It is not appropriate to be correcting your child repeatedly in public places, as the child should be removed from the situation and reprimanded in private. If the child learns that you are well mannered and expect a certain behavior in public that will make it easier to correct slip-ups and bad behavior.

4.  Accept some age-appropriate slip-ups

In our case, with a 2-year old, we are not expecting the moon. We obviously expect our “Please”, “Thank You’s” and “May I’s”, but if there is a slip-up, there is no need for a major correction. Children cannot be expected to always be on their best behavior, but gentle nudges in the right direction can go a long way. Let your kids be kids, but expect some level of maturing to occur, as they grow older!

These are just a few suggestions, and every situation can call for a different response. However, it is vital for our children to grow up with some level of maturity and emotional intelligence that can come from learning proper respect and manners at a young age. A great word of advice I received from someone older was to raise your children so other people enjoy their company and want to be around them. If other people don’t, then you have not done your job.

Happy Parenting!

Damir